welcome , twenty

hai, blog yang selalu gw isi cuma kalo detik-detik birthday..
cuma untuk mengenang kata-kata gw dari taun ke taun...
i'm getting old anyway :"")

sad and happy at the same time..
finally menginjak angka 2..
udah bukan remaja lagi dan udah masukin dunia dewasa :')
dan ini cukup jadi salah satu alasan buat sedih..
dan entah kenapa tugas-tugas kuliah yang super stressful ambil andil besar dalam penuaan kulit muka gw..
baru 20 dan udah banyak garis-garis halus :(

I'm still gonna wish something in this year, walopun biasanya setelah lewat udah langsung lupa..
Wish I can meet someone that I can feel comfort with,
someone who can accept me the way I am,
someone yang (untuk masa sekarang) bisa cocok dan nyambung sama gw..
I've been on my own all my life,
and hopefully in this year, I can meet someone I can share my story, and my daily life..

dan gw berdoa semuanya itu berjalan natural dan alamiah.
bukan sesuatu yang dipaksakan nyambung, cuma karena waktu perkenalan yang udah lama,
ato cuma karena alasan apapun.
because,
heart is all that matters.
the only reason I choose to be alone all this time,
just simply bcos I haven't meet 'that one' that can change my heart.
but maybe I'm too harsh on myself, I've been locked up my heart for too long.

okay, dibalik semua kesedihan dan kesenangan sesaat setiap kali ulang tahun,
birthday is just a born day. Beberapa tahun belakangan gw ngerasa ga ada yang spesial juga tentang ini.
selain umur yang menua, hopefully gw bisa menjadi orang yang lebih baik tiap tahunnya.
ke arah yang lebih positif, dan bisa ngerubah semua sifat buruk gw yang masih segudang.

and I'm gonna share a few quotes from Perahu Kertas by Dee
“Your road may turn around, but at one time, at some point, you'll definitely have a chance to be yourself.” 

“aku gak mau sepuluh, dua puluh tahun dari hari ini, aku masih terus-terusan memikirkan orang yg sama. bingung di antara penyesalan dan penerimaan.” 

“Hati tidak memilih. Hati dipilih. Karena hati tidak perlu memilih, ia selalu tahu kemana harus berlabuh” 

and my favorite :

“Carilah orang yang nggak perlu meminta apa-apa, tapi kamu mau memberikan segala-segalanya.” 


okay, tugas-tugas sialan udah menanti karena sialnya tiap ulang tahun selalu jatuh saat2 UTS semenjak kuliah. Am gonna back to the deadline.
tonight, today, I'm wishing all the best wishes for myself,
wishing my wishes come true, and wish I hv a great year ahead.
welcome, twenty.

bibibirthday

10:30 PM

Beberapa menit lagi meninggalkan umur 18 dan jadi 19 taun *gettingold* :') gah!time passes really fast these days.. terpikir lagi untuk nulis disini buat iseng-iseng diary kenangan semata ditengah kesibukan belajar komgraf xD and ohmygosh jijik sendiri setelah baca isi blog ini jaman dulu, beberapa tahun lalu and feel like I've really wasted my times.. I think I didn't enjoy it so much setelah baca isinya bener-bener kacau dan sampah :" 

Recently, I've watched reply 1997, it makes me really miss my old high school memories :') 

back to birthday...setelah duakali di surprise in berturut-turut, I dont think I need another surprise this year :) it's enough and I'm really grateful for hv them in my life.. 

adolescence has ended..I have to grow up and not always looking back the past.. this time, I really won't wait for him anymore...since I didn't know what I've been waiting for...I'll open my mind for something new in my life. 

"First love. The reason everyone’s first love is beautiful is not only because the love was pretty. At the time of first love, there was a youthfulness that didn’t know how to be wise, a me who was pure to the point of cruelty, and a you whose fire I couldn’t handle. It’s because I already know that I can never go back to that youthful, innocent, passionate time. First love is reckless. Without calculating, it throws everything in with pure passion, and inevitably fails. But that’s why it’s dramatic—the reckless tales wrapped up in experiences or feelings that you can never have again.First love is a time. Once it passes, it’s gone. Now you have to give a new love and a new time a chance. It might not be the experience or the purity of first love, but out of that scar is a love that grows and becomes a little more mature—you have to wait for an adult love. Only those who wait can dream of love."

So...gonna make some wishes tonight..  

hope I'll get more mature, 

wishing all the best things for my life, 

and I wish I'll have a greeaaaat years ahead :)

my 91011 day!

its been a while since my latest post..

berhubung gw juga gada kerjaan..jadilah gw ngepost lagi..
jadi..sekarang gw udah kuliah..
I'm a college student now B-)
meskipun gue tidak berekspektasi apapun kalau kehidupan kuliah gw di u*tar akan menarik..,but at least ada harapan kalau gw akan menjadi anak dkv cemerlang ..
kayak alumni2 yang dateng ke sekolah dlu datang dengan muka sumringah dan bangga..
but, I never thought my 'early' college life would be this bad..
I hope I wont spend my entire college life like this..

dan sebentar lagi, minggu is my bday :D
I hv a special unique number for this bday..91011..:P
mungkin itu angka ter-bagus di sepanjang sejarah ulang tahun gue..
and I was hope something special will happen in that beautifulnumber day :)
(maybe hv a bf who I love exactly after hisdeclarationoflove like anyone else?Buahahha)
sayangnya,
maybe this could be the worst year..
walopun biasanya juga nothing special..,tp taun lalu sweet sventeen gw ckup berkesan menurut gue.
nci gue yg pergi ke ntt tanggal 3 kemaren..
dan kayaknya saking hectic nya ni minggu, kurang ada yang inget gw ultah ni minggu
jadilah mungkin kami sedikit sepi makan2 hanya berempat hehohehehe
gw emang kurang seneng merayakan sesuatu di hari minggu, yang dikarenakan
besoknya senin..and i hate monday..
terlebih senin ini gw uts..teori pula..sejarah pula..dan banyak bahannya.
apalagi dalam suasana gw ga gitu betah di kelas, di kuliah gue..
entah dikarenakan suasana, ato apapun lah..ato gw kurang cepet beradaptasi..atau gw ga jago sksd emang..
ditambah dengan porak-poranda tanggal 6 kemarin insiden tidak-bawa-kartu-ujian dan hampir ga bisa ikut ujian hampir buat gue nangis..
dengan prosedur yang super ribet, dilempar sana-sini..
dijawab2 dengan judes, ga ditanggepin, lari2 susah payah, telat setengah jam, but thx God gambar gw well-done..belom cukup itu,
hari yang gue anggep lumayan gara2 ada Hyun Bin tampil di indo:P
ternyata menjadi hari super kacau itu..plus ditambah dengan kekunci di lift sendirian , dengan kondisi mati mesin mati lampu..*super horor super thriller* yang untungnya pas dipencet2 asal balik ke lantai awal..
pulang buru-buru, dan ternyata sesi hyun bin nya uda lewat..wat a fuckin day..

soo sooo..this weekend, I'm no longer 17--bcos actually I love these "I'm a seventeen years old girl" phrase..LOL
sounds like semi grown up girl, but still teenager.
and It'll officially 18 years of my single status. haha
sometimes I'm proud of that (idk why), but it sounds pathetic in the same time.
but, I must be grateful for all I have, all things I've been through..
Thanks to God, He still gives a chance for me to live until now..

enough for my cuap-cuap yang super panjang ini..dan gw ga berharap ada yang tahan baca ini :D
seeya in another post!

2011

nothing special to write..
just for a journal for me,reminder for the next time.
yeah, new year (again). I started this blog when it was new year too last year haha
with no reason, I am TI RED of being alone and single all this time :P
walopun kemaren2 "dia" sempet deketin lagi, tapi yaa selalu kandas.
"dia" cuma dateng disaat2 dia perlu, kesepian, or etc saat2 butuh,
and I feel like a trash. but, though my mind say NO, my heart and mouth just never can say NO to him. :(
and it goes on..sampai kandas lagi dan lagi. kita berdua ga jodoh rasanya,
walopun he's the only one ever made me felt so deep in love.
dilema rasanya antara rasa "kesepian" yang juga melanda dengan rasa penolakan dari otak yang kuat.
he's never change, and me too. It'll never works, and we both knew it,
we just hurting each other.
soo many many things happened in my 2010, dan semua kerasa cepet banget.
from how I through my broken hearted, adapted with my new friends in the class, and so many many happiest and sadest memories.
It feels so hard, but now I think I can remember that with smile on my face :)
why time flies so fasttt?I feel like I'm wasted all the time.
now,I'm in 3rd year, which means I must face the final exam.
dann gue belom belajar apapunn osh! belom ada persiapan apapun juga.
oh, 2010 juga taun berat gue nentuin kuliah..:(
setelah doa2 lama dan finally gue yakin ambil DKV dii..Untar.
walopun sebenernya ga kepengen masuknya Untar, but it seems I hv no choice.
okelah, jalanin aja kedepannya, hope it'll fun and I could enjoy it:)
gue udah lama banget ga nulis disini, dan sekalinya nulis akirnya panjang.
belakangan sering banget ngegalau yang dikarenakan kesepian.
setelah tadi ngbrol2 dan menjawab bbrp pertanyaan guru BP gue,
gw agak2 seneng sebenernya dpt pertanyaan2 'semacam' itu.
it feels so long long time ago, there's person care and ask bout myself and my own life.dan beberapa diantaranya, membuat gw berpikir sampai sekarang.
tentang plan gw bbrp taun kedepan, dan advice plus cerita dia yang cukup mengagetkan.
dan lagi2 ditanya kapan punya pacar?owww.musti kah gw mengulang jawaban "ga laku2"?
HAHA.gatau lagi mau jawab apa enaknya.
gw pkir masi remaja, masi lama. tp setelah dipikir2 lagi, dengan waktu yang cepet banget, kayaknya cuma gw yang masi sendiri *straightface*.
yes, I cant deny it anymore,I'm feeling lonely in this crowded lover world,
with no person besides that could understands me well.
sometimes,I keep questioning to myself who I really am now..
I'm sick with all of this. errrr

TOY STORY

yeahh.kemaren gw nonton Toy Story3 super terharuuuu :') two thumbs up!
kalo gw inget inget lagi sekarang juga masih terharuu meskipun gw ga nonton cerita sebelumnya.
yaa gw malah gatau kali ada toy story1 (1995) ma toystory2(1999).
tapi tetep aja ga buat gw merawat barbie usang gw dirumah yg duduk diatas piano bertaun-taun haha kasian dahh dipikir2 :( gatau mau gw apainn
paling sensitif dah ama film yg ada masa lalu nya gitu trs uda dewasa gitu haha
hmm..gw pengen nonton karate kid, ama banyak deh yg belom.pengen beli dvd nya aja.
btw gw lumayan seneng karena ada world cupp :D
sekarang jadi banyak yg begadang jadi gw ada temennya deh
abis diaa pergi kan gw bener2 kekurangan temen begadang tuh.paling ada satu-dua lah.
tapi tidur gw juga makin subuh ampe ga tidur ga tidur.
mungkin orang2 ampe musti kuat2in begadang,tapi gw malah ga bisa2 tidur.
gw dukung brazil ama spain nih,sayang si Kaka kartu merah kemaren.
okaayy,Gud luck for them :)

gue menemukan quote yg cocok (HAHA)
yang mewakilkan semuanya.

You're everything I want and everything I can't have.

there's quote who say like this :

"If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.”

and i will let it go away if it was good for me in the end.